Many things rummage through my tattered mind. Moments of forgiveness meshed with regrets. Looking back at the life I thought was meant for me. I leaf through the files in my brain searching for answers. Answers I know, I will never find. As a little girl, fragile and full of dreams, white picket fences and "the perfect life".
Little did I know that in "real" life things weren't always as they seemed.
I met my high school sweetheart when I was in third grade. I knew then he was the man I was going to marry and live happily ever after with. We were merely babies embarking on a journey that neither of us were ready for. I was driven and motivated to be the best girlfriend I could be. I became pregnant shortly after we became engaged. We had our son and six months later got married. Two years later we had our daughter. These two children saved my life.
Instead of looking at everything that was wrong with my life and my marriage I focused on my babies. So I made it my life's work to teach them and love them and guide them the absolute best I could. Eleven years after our wedding...it all crashed and burned. I left him, we left each other. We raised each other and had become totally different people. I didn't want to be a statistic...divorced single mother.
Now that's exactly what I was.